The Thoughts of Stan Marsh
by robert3A-SN
Summary: In this flashback to my fic "The Life of Stan Marsh", Stan is recovering from his rapid aging in the hospital, and through his P.O.V we see how he sorted out his feelings for Wendy during his stay, and finally found the courage to stop vomiting on her.


This story is told from Stan's first person point of view mostly during his recovery from old age in my story "The Life of Stan Marsh" If you've never read it, that's fine since I pretty much explain what happened as we go along, so you should be able to follow it. So let's start following.  
  
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Time: Present day  
  
Place: South Park movie theater  
  
Goddammit, when are these Hulk people gonna shut up? I didn't pay for my ticket and Wendy's to see them talk on and on about gamma rays and emotional tragedies and blah blah, and I sure didn't pay to see Nick Nolte act crazy, I can watch that anytime on the news at home for free. I came to see this Hulk guy smash stuff, and he hasn't even shown up in the first half hour? Where is he, this movie's called The Hulk, so where's the Goddamm Hulk?!  
  
Heh, well at least it looks like Wendy likes all this talking business. Well of course she would, she sat through that boring Matrix sequel and loved it, but at least I didn't fall asleep from their talking like I'm gonna do from this Hulk talking. If I'm not gonna see a hulk, I'm gonna just...take a little nap. Oh yeah, I'm heading into dreamland already. Yep, sure feels like I'm dreaming now....  
  
Hey wait, what's that?! Oh, I'm waking up. In fact I'm waking up to feel something really nice on my face, something really soft and warm at that. Better open my eyes to make sure it's what I hope it is. And it is, I'm seeing Wendy pull her lips away from my cheek right now and smiling that great smile of hers. "Don't worry, it looks like that Hulk guy'll be here soon. I figured I should wake you in my own way before all that Hulk noise does." She is a smart one, she knows I'll take waking up from a kiss rather than being woken up by loud noise any day.  
  
Whoh dude, now that Hulk guy is finally on screen, took him long enough. Jesus Christ, he sure is big and loud all right, thank God I didn't wake up to that. Heh, looks like Wendy isn't so happy to see him though, she looks a little scared too. Oh well, I'll just hold her hand and she'll know she's got nothing to worry about. Of course that'd be different if there really was a Hulk guy that wasn't made by cheesy computer effects, but hey, if she helped me beat up my sister I can beat up anyone now. But that's not gonna happen, and what's happining now is I'm holding her hand and she does look more relaxed.  
  
Oh boy, I can't help thinking that I would have thrown up on the spot if I did that 6 months ago. But I don't anymore, and that's why we're here at the movies to celebrate the 6 month anniversary of the day we finally had our first real kiss. With all we went through after that, it's hard to believe I threw up on her at all. But I did, and I nearly died trying to fix it. It's hard to believe I started figuring out how to stop throwing up just 6 months ago. Well, 6 months and 4 days ago, to be more accurate.....  
  
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Time: 6 months and 4 days earlier at Hell's Pass Hospital.....[this still has Stan narrating his thoughts by the way]  
  
Place: Stan Marsh's hospital room  
  
"Tom, it's now been 5 days since Stan Marsh was brought back to life by the anitdote for the horrible drug that made him age to be 100 years old. Currently he is near 50 right now, and should be back to being 9 years old again in another few days. The hospital is keeping him monitored until then. Not that we'd know since they've banned reporters and press from seeing him in the hospital thanks to our screwing up earlier. We've tried methods like banging the door down using Maury Povich as a battering ram, but no success so far."  
  
Okay, enough of watching reporters talk about me on TV. Of course I'm all that channel and the other channels can talk about, so go figure. God, it's been 5 days since they cured me, you'd think they'd find something new to talk about by now. But then again, I see why they'd talk about something like this, especially since I'm looking at myself in the mirror of the bathroom in my hospital room. I mean, just look at me.  
  
50 years old. They tell me that I've gotten younger and now I'm about 50 years old. As if that isn't such a big deal when I'm supposed to be 9 years old. I haven't been 9 years old in almost two weeks, and I was 100 years old last Saturday night, I probably should be dead. All because I took a stupid drug Mephisto gave me that was supposed to make me stop throwing up on Wendy. Of course it made me age 10 years every day after that as a side effect. I took it two Thursday's ago as a 9 year old, I aged to be 20 years old when I woke up that Saturday, and I became 100 years old last Saturday. But of course by then I was totally out of it and near death, or I was until they gave me some kind of antidote. I wish I remembered that, then I would have remembered beating up that douche John Edward when he came to pull the plug after I woke up. I guess you can't have everything though.  
  
I won't miss not looking like a 50 year old dude, that's for sure. Christ, I keep looking at myself in the mirror and I still can't believe I look like this. And I didn't believe it when I looked in the mirror yesterday and I was 60, or when I looked at myself when I was 70 the day before that. Still, at least I don't remember looking at myself when I was 80 or 90 because I was barely thinking back then. Ow, my bones are getting sore, another cool side effect from being old. Guess I'd better sit down on my hospital bed and keep thinking about being old. Ah, this bed does feels much better. Now back to just thinking about being old instead of feeling old too.  
  
Let's see, I was 100 last Saturday, 90 at the end of Sunday, 80 after Monday, 70 after Tuesday, 60 after Wednesday, and 50 after yesterday. Today's Friday then. Mephisto told me that I'll be 40 after today, then I'll be 9 years old on....dammit, I know this. I knew adults get dumber when they get older, but I figured with my condition I'd at least be almost as smart as I was when I was a kid. Um...oh yeah, I'll be 9 when I wake up on Tuesday! That means I only have to stay here and be looked at by doctors for 4 more days, then I can go home again! And Kyle and the guys are coming to visit me after school, so that'll help pass the time. They'll all be there....except....  
  
"Ah, good morning Stan, feeling younger?" Oh great, here's Dr Mephisto coming in and ready to do his morning checkup. Uh huh, he's off on his little examination of my old body already. I sure never knew why doctors made you cough while they held your balls until now. At least he's not taking as long this time. "Perfect, you look just like a 50 year old and it doesn't look like anything else is wrong with you. If all continues to go well, you'll be 40 years old by the time you wake up tomorrow. So that means I have to go disappoint the media by telling them everything's still going smoothly, and somehow I don't mind that." Heh, Mephisto may be a crazy guy who made a drug that almost killed me, but he sure picks good thing to gloat over, the press deserves being shown up about that, especially that Maury Povitch asshole.  
  
"Okay then Stan, while I go disappoint the media circus, I guess all you can do is stay here and lie down."  
  
"Do I have to stay here, can't I just relax at home?" Dude, I still can't believe I sound like that now. And to think I made fun of Cartman and Butters and other kids for having bad voices.  
  
"No Stan, we need to monitor you here in case something goes wrong and there's another nasty side effect to the antidote we gave you. But be patient until the afternoon, the young people who helped make that antidote will come to visit you then." Guess I'd better ask him this next question now so there's no suspense.  
  
"Except Wendy, right?" Now I'm hoping he'll proving me wrong, but I'm sure he won't. She hasn't been here to see me since they gave me the antidote, though Kyle did bring me up to date on her theory that this whole mess was her fault- even though she got me out of it.  
  
"I'm not sure about that one, either she'll show up or she won't. Maybe she hasn't been over because she's had enough of seeing you as an old man, I know I won't miss it either." Good point, I'm sick of looking at it too. But I'm only a old man because I wanted to stop vomiting. Oh dude, that reminds me, I gotta ask him something big before he gets out!  
  
"Mephisto? Um, I took that first drug to stop throwing up and this antidote is supposed to reverse everything it did to me, right? Well, does that mean that when I'm 9 again, I'll be able to throw up on Wendy like I always did?" Come on doc, at least say no and give me that small victory, I'm not gonna tell my family and friends I almost died for nothing. "Yes Stan, it means exactly that. If the antidote works like it should, it will reverse your aging and everything else the first drug gave you, including the added maturity that stopped you from throwing up. So yes, you will probably be nervous enough to vomit on her again." Gee, way to make sure I went through this for nothing, doc.  
  
"Well, okay then. I guess I'll just lay down and get some rest until my other friends get here." Well at least I can be disappointed on a comfy bed. Oh yeah, that's the stuff for my old bones. But Mephisto is still there to distract me from relaxing, I guess he has something else to say. "You know Stan, I don't think you should really be this disappointed. I mean, if you were really in love with this Wendy girl, wouldn't you be able to stop vomiting on your own and not need genetic science to do it? If you were really in love, I figured that wouldn't be so hard for you, but who am I to act like one of those radio love disc jockeys, I'm unpopular enough as a scientist already."  
  
Right now I'm a little more happy that he is that unpopular. Wait, what am I mad at him for again? Am I mad at him for suggesting I'm not in love with Wendy....or am I mad because he made such a good point? Oh great, now he leaves the room and leaves me hanging too. First he tells me I'm gonna be right back where I started with Wendy, reminds me that she's too busy blaming herself for everything that's happened to visit here, and now he suggests that I didn't really like her to start with?! Well I....I....I don't know what to think. Now I almost wish I could be 80 or 90 again, then I'd be too out of it to think straight about this.  
  
Maybe he is right. If I really liked her that much, wouldn't I have tried to stop vomiting on my own? And if I liked her that much, why would I vomit like that at all? And, well, Kyle's been bringing me up to date that Wendy thinks this is all her fault because she pressured me to stop throwing up and that made me resort to desperate measures like taking Mephisto's maturity drug that almost killed me. Technically she is kind of right about that. I kept telling myself that I liked her that much, but did I really? I mean, did I actually like her like that or was I just telling myself that because I'm so used to thinking of her as my girlfriend? Oh man, all these thoughts that I did all this for nothing sure suck ass. I almost killed myself for someone I may not have felt that strongly about. But.....but on the other hand, if it wasn't for her I'd be dead days ago.  
  
Yeah, that's a good positive point, she was able to get everyone to help Mephisto make his antidote in time, and she proved that John Edward told the press about my condition so they could get in the way and stop me from getting better earlier. And even after all that, the press can't stop saying that she caused this whole thing to happen, and neither can she. Kyle told me yesterday that she's sure that I couldn't like her anymore after she put me through all this, she was sure of it even as she got everyone to help make the antidote. But yet she saved me anyway. And hell, didn't I find something in her to make me go through all this for her to begin with? Wasn't one of the reasons I liked her, or I thought I liked her, the fact that she was always this outspoken and thoughtful and kind like she was in saving in my life? But then again, Kyle told me that Wendy keeps reminding herself of the times where she wasn't so nice, times when she was kind of a bitch. Well, there was that whole incident in Halloween and that time when she kissed....ugh, I'm still too sick to even think that she kissed Cartman. But in any case, those things were kind of bitch like moments. But what about those times when she wasn't a bitch? Oh, but then there's those times where she yelled at me for not being political and stuff. But...  
  
Aw, Goddammit, now I'm too messed up to even think!! There's all this evidence saying I like her, and all this evidence saying that maybe I don't, at least not in that way. And why should I be debating this when I'm just gonna go back to throwing up on her in 4 days?! Well, I'm too tired to answer that anyway, I'd better get some rest before the guys get here....  
  
Hey wait, that's it! I just said to myself that I'm too tired to answer that question, but maybe that's what I should be doing! Answering the question! Maybe if I think about all this enough over the next 4 days, I can figure out if I really am in love with Wendy or not. And if I figure out that I am before I'm young enough to throw up again, I might, just might, be able to stop on my own because I realized that I'm really in love! Yeah, that's it, that'd be much better than just lying in a bed all day and hiding from the media, though it wouldn't be an easy thing to do. Well, I guess I don't have to answer it right this second, so maybe I will take that rest. Might as well be rested a little before the guys visit me, Wendy or no Wendy.....  
  
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Later that afternoon.....  
  
"So w-what's it like being an old guy anyway?" Okay then, out of all my friends, their parents, my parents, my sister, and Mr Garrison, Butters was the one who had to ask that first. Might as well tell his the truth for it. "I barely had time to figure that out before, and I'd rather not get to answer it again for a while."  
  
"I'm glad you won't, and I'm glad you'll be out of that not too bad form in a few days. I mean, really glad that you won't look like that anymore and I won't have the chance to imagine..." Oh shit, only that sickass Mr Garrison could imagine having sex with someone who's really a kid. I'm surprised they only arrested him for wanting to have sex with kids once. "Okay then, I think we should all give Stan some quiet time for a while." Phew, thanks for stopping that disgusting speech, Dad. Looks like Mom's ready to speak one more time before she goes.  
  
"All right then, we'll see you later to thank God that you're alive some more, honey!" Sure Mom, thank God even though he wasn't the one that got people to get up off their ass and make my antidote. But he must have had something to with Shelly speaking out for me, if Kyle was right in saying she did that. "Yeah, go ahead and get your rest and try to remember not to pay much attention in the future to that little stunt I pulled with Edward or else." And of course, Shelly's back to being a bitch again with that new threat. But at least I'm alive to hear it, so I might as well answer with sarcasm. "I've never been more happy to hear a threat from you in my life, so thanks."  
  
Well, there she goes after that and there goes everyone else. They'll probably be back in another hour to finish crying in relief over this whole thing. Oh well, at least Kyle's still here to pass the time with me until then. Almost makes me forget Cartman's here too, though he keeps reminding me that he did help Wendy and Kyle save me and Kyle says he's telling the truth, though he doesn't look that pleased to say it of course.  
  
"So I guess you'll be back with us again in a few days, huh?" Ha, knowing Cartman he probably wants to know exactly when I'm coming back so he can start torturing me, that'll make then forget that he did something nice in helping them save me for sure all right. Maybe I can get a little joke in by mentioning that. "Yep, back to playing all my normal playground games like football, dodgeball, reminded everyone that you did something nice for me and shouldn't be feared or taken seriously or anything." Just as I thought, that sure pissed him off although that's not hard to do. "Goddammit, the thanks you get for saving someone's life!" And the thanks you deserve for making Kyle your slave and threatening to tell the press about my condition if he didn't do every sick thing you told him to do, fatass. Better remind him of that little mistake. "Only after you made Kyle suffer, yes. You can go now with my blessings."  
  
"Dammit, when I stop being grounded for my games with Kyle you are so dead!" That sent the fatass away, thank God. Now I can actually talk to someone who's an actual friend, Kyle. I still can't believe he actually did all that shit Cartman made him do while I was aging, and he put up with it just because he thought it'd help me if he didn't give Cartman a reason to call the media- thought the douche Edward took care of that for him later. Still, his mom did tell me Kyle was ready to kill Cartman when he thought that he called the press so they'd destroy the first antidote Mephisto made, and he even cried over it too. Well, I cried when I thought he was gonna die from holistic medicine, so now we're even. "It is fun getting him back for that, but I'll be happier when you're back to being 9 again so we can do it together again." Amen, Kyle, amen. Why wouldn't I look forward to that, even though you did yell at Wendy all last week and made her feel worse about all this. Oh....guess I'd better ask him about her now and get it over with, since he's been visiting her lately to keep apologizing for yelling at her, he might know something new.  
  
"Speaking of getting back together, where's Wendy? I haven't seen her since I got the antidote." Of course Kyle already knew that, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to ask about it again in case he had anything new to say. "Well, actually, I talked to her a while back and she said she was too nervous to see you." At any other time I'd laugh about her being nervous around me when I've been nervous around her since the day we met, but I'll save that for later. "You didn't yell at her even after I got better, did you?"  
  
"No, I said I was sorry for that, we all did. But she's thinking that saving you is too little too late for her because she started the whole thing. She's convinced you hate her for putting you near death, and she said she's trying to come to terms with that." I already heard that before too, but it still doesn't make much sense to me, even if I realize I don't love her I'm not gonna hate her like I hate, oh say, Cartman for instance. Maybe if I get Kyle to keep talking he might clear up a few more things. "Why would she think that?" As if I didn't have a few good ideas why. But at least he's answering anyway. "She think that once you came close to dying, you were wondering why you went through all this for her. That she wasn't worth going through all that hassle and that this was the last straw. Do you really think that, dude?"  
  
Oh boy, there's the million dollar question I got only 4 days to answer, dude. Guess I should actually talk about this whole situation out loud. "Well, at least I have a few days left until I go back to my normal life, I can think about that till then." Kyle just nods. Well maybe he can do more than that, if anyone could help me make this whole thinking thing easier, it'd be him, he's the smart one. But he did all but say he hated Wendy for this whole mess, thought he told me he was sorry for it after she saved my life. Maybe I should get him talking more about that, he might have some advice for me that I could use.  
  
"Kyle? Do you hate Wendy? Do you think she isn't good enough for me or something, do you think it would be a bad idea for me to be her boyfriend, or what? What do you think about it?" Okay, that was simple enough. Geez, it is taking a little long for him to answer though, he looks like he is thinking hard. "I don't know dude. I'm sure I'd say she was really bad for you if you asked me this last week though."  
  
"You really hated her then, I guess. I heard you call her uptight and overly mature in Mephisto's lab, and that she shouldn't have pressured me to do things 9 year olds really shouldn't be worried about."  
  
"And I stand by that, she shouldn't have been like this. But she sure knows that now too." Well duh, of course she does, why else wouldn't she be here? "Stan, I'll admit this again, she was smart enough to figure it out herself without me reminding her everyday. All my insults did was make her feel a whole lot worse, and I said I was sorry for it. And I am." Now he's taking a breath before he starts talking for 30 seconds again. "I don't think I really hate her or really like her now, but I do know she really likes you. After all, she saved your life, and for that I really like her." That was nice, but he still really isn't saying something I haven't heard before. Better get back to the actual question I asked him. "But do you think I should try to make her my girlfriend again or what, would it be a bad idea?"  
  
"I don't know. I'm not the one who liked her enough to vomit on her every day, so I guess I can't figure it out for you. But even if you do, I guess I won't be that mad. I'm still thankful that you're still alive to make that kind of choice. If you like her that much, then I'll support you and make sure Cartman doesn't give you hell that much, that's what best friends are for." Great, now Kyle's getting sad and emotional again, this isn't the first time he's done that since he started visiting me. "Of course it took me almost losing a best friend to remember that."  
  
And with that, I have another reason to wish I could kick Cartman's ass right now for using my condition to make my best friend his slave. No problem though, I'll come up with some extra good pranks against him when I get back in school, that's another thing best friends are for. "Thanks dude, but I'm not gonna almost die again any time soon, so if you forget that you're gonna need to use something else." God, that was lame, but at least Kyle chuckled a little bit at that, he does understand these complicated lines better than most of us.  
  
"All right Kyle, I think we should get ready to head home soon." Well that sure wasn't hard to understand, it's clear as day that that's Kyle's mom barging in. "Don't worry, we'll be back tomorrow, but for now we should probably let him relax." Of course Kyle's mom automatically has an opinion on what they should do, if she didn't Cartman wouldn't love singing that song about her 10 million times a day. Hey, wait a minute, she does have an opinion on everything and always thinks she knows what's best for us. She'll probably yell and scream about the evils of science when I get out, if she hasn't already. Maybe I can get her thoughts on what I should do with Wendy, before she tells them to her usual angry mob.  
  
"Okay Mom, see you tomorrow Stan!" Kyle's voice sure interrupted that train of thought, so I'll just wave goodbye to him as he goes. His mom's ready to go to, or so she thinks. "Mrs Broflovski? Mrs Broflovski, um....could I talk to you for a second?" That was strange for me to ask, but she's coming over anyway so I guess it worked. "Of course Stan, what's the trouble?"  
  
"Well, eh, I guess you're working on protesting against Mephisto for this mess, huh?"  
  
"No actually, the tabloid media is doing a good job of getting his evil work out for me, I hardly need to educate them."  
  
"Then I guess you have nothing to protest for once....unless, well, you were gonna go against Wendy." Boy, that sure made her look confused, it'd be kinda funny if I wasn't being serious. "Now why do you think I'd actually protest against a little girl? If I did that the PTA would call me a hypocrite for months for going after the same kind of kid I've been trying to protect against evil like Terrance and Phillip!"  
  
"Maybe, well, maybe because she's being blamed for driving me to take that drug to begin with, and since Kyle hated her a lot for that at first, I figured you might feel the same way." Well, now for some reason that made her laugh, that was a nice and confusing way to top the last reaction. "That's just silly, from what I heard she didn't even know you took that drug until you got older, so how could she make you do it when she didn't know? Besides, it's Mephisto's fault for playing God like that, and I'm sorry to say you're a little to blame for it too." Yeah, that's nice, I call her over to ask for advice and she insults me, that's real fair. "I mean, why would you need a drug to love that girl if you really loved her? Not that 9 year old kids should really be in love anyway, you're far too young for that sort of thing to begin with."  
  
"Well maybe I'm in love anyway, at least that's what I'm trying to figure out. So let's assume that I was old enough and I was trying to figure out if I liked her like that after something like this. What would you say about that, would you think it's a good move to like someone who keeps saying this is all her fault for a few good reasons or what?" Okay, that was a bit long but I think my point was in there somewhere. It's taking her a while to answer though, that's unusual for someone who jumps on such "evil things" as video games and Terrance and Phillip in a second.  
  
"What would I say? Actually, and I know this is a very rare thing for me to say, but I don't know."  
  
"You're damm right that's rare, you have opinions on everything whether we like it or not, and you don't have one on what I should do?!" Oh crap, the famous Sheila Broflovski frown is back, better get ready to be yelled at for language instead of getting any answers.  
  
"I'll assume the drugs and the aging made you be that rude this time. And I really can't tell you if you love someone or not, although us parents tell our kids not to feel that way a lot of the time, we can't actually tell them they love someone. Only you can figure that out. Of course if you were Kyle I wouldn't be that tolerant, but I'll let your parents deal with it for now." Well, that sure helped and since she's getting up now, that's probably all the confusing advice she's got. Nope, she's turning around just before she went out the door. "I'm sure if you really love this girl, you'll know it by yourself without us having to tell you anything. Just listen to what your heart tells you. But you should probably rest up before then, so goodnight dear."   
  
And with that, now she's gone just before she tells me to start thinking to myself again. Hell, I asked her advice and Kyle's so I wouldn't have to think about this that hard, I thought they'd make it a bit more clearer for me. But nope, I'm back to where I started in those same old confusing thoughts in my head, which Kyle's mom tells me I'm supposed to listen to. Oh well, I still got three days left to listen to them all, they can rest up for a while. And what better way to silence my thoughts than watching mindnumbing cartoons, if the news didn't take that off the air. Hmm, maybe they finally put Terrance and Phillip back on instead of replays of Maury Povitch fighting John Edward last Saturday.....  
  
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Saturday afternoon....  
  
Let's see, do I have enough change in my pockets? 1 quarter, 2, 3, 4....yep, that's enough to get a little snack out of the vending machine. Chips would probably be good for a mid afternoon snack. In any case, it's getting me outta my room for a little while. They tell me I should try to stay in my room so none of the press can swarm all over me, but just stepping out to get a snack shouldn't hurt much. There we go, now I just gotta reach in there and get my bag of Cruffles chips, then walk back in. And since I already did my staring in the mirror in shock because I'm now less than 40 years old today, I can eat in peace.  
  
"There he is, it's the old kid we've been following all week!! Come on, we can get new pictures for the Saturday night edition if we swarm all over him!!" Oh shit, so much for hospital security, here come the tablold photgraphers. Well, better see how fast 40 year old people can run, at least it isn't a long run to my hospital room door. Geez, they're snapping pictures even when I'm running away, thank God I'm not blind from it. All right, I'm a few steps away now....hey, what the hell is Cartman doing standing in front of my door with his stupid police uniform on?!  
  
"Cartman, what the hell-"  
  
"No time to talk now Stan, just get in! Me and my nightstick will hold them off just fine!" What the hell is he talking about? Oh well, I'd really be stupid to think anything Cartman said would make sense, so I'd better get in and think about it there. Phew, I got in just in time before one of them snuck in. But now how am I supposed to relax and either watch TV or read in peace, the photgraphers are either yelling to get in or yelling because it sounds like Cartman's hitting them with his nigthstick and screaming that stupid authoritah line of his. God, of all the annoying things he always says, that dumbass authoritah line is the worse, thank God people aren't dumb enough to impersinate it all the time, one of him is already bad enough. But for some reason he's keeping the reporters out of here, so I guess I'll save my complaints until later.  
  
30 minutes later....  
  
Well, now I have another reason to hope I get back to being 9 real soon. I find the comic section of the newspaper which actually doesn't have me or Wendy all over it, and I can't laugh at it. No chuckles at the new Terrance and Phillip comic, no laughs at the Behind the Blow comic strip about the drug addicted deaths of "Sunday Night Taped" stars, nothing. Mephisto would probably tell me that it's because I'm 40 and mature now, well now I have another reason to say maturity sucks ass. But at least I haven't heard a peep from Cartman or the press in a while. "Butters, take over for me, it's time for my break. Remember, anyone who tries to come in will have to be hit right on the head with that nightstick, and don't you Goddamm forget it, Goddammit!" Oh dammit, that noise is coming from behind the door but I'd recognize that "Goddammit!" sound anywhere. Yep, Officer Cartman is coming in to visit me.  
  
"Hello Stan, how's the room? All comfy because I'm protecting it?"  
  
"What's with the protection anyway, you trying to make yourself a badass again by hitting the press? I think they'd like you for that more than they'd fear you."  
  
"No dumbass, this is part of my plea bargain that your stupid mother and Kyle's stupid mother made me agree to, the hitting is a welcome perk." My stupid mother?! Nah, if I get in an arguement about that, he'll be here all day, so I'll just let him talk his fat mouth all he wants for now. "Leave it to those two stupid mothers to get all in my case for me exploting your condition to make Kyle my slave, completly ignoring the fact that you'd be dead if it wasn't for my help! But in return for my mom reducing my grounding sentence, I get to make sure no one bothers you while you're still in here, so at least I have some authoritah left. Too bad it doesn't look like Butters will be a good deputy for me, so I'd better get back out there and take him off duty."  
  
"Sure Cartman, you go on and do that, I feel safer already." Of course Cartman's dumb enough not to see the sarcasm in that, so he's just smiling that aroggant smile of his and walking away. And it looks like he's taking one of my old newspaper while he's at it. "Well, this isn't a bad front page picture of you, I must say. Too bad it's not as cool as Wendy's back page picture of her crying her eyes out, now those guys know how to get good pictures!" And he sure knows how to piss me off, that he's really good at.  
  
"Dammit Cartman, don't say Wendy's crying is cool, those assholes are making it look that way to sell pictures but it's not, she was really sad!" Boy, do I love wasting my breath, as if that plea for an inch of compassion would do good with Cartman. "Well she's only crying because it's her fault this happened, and they're smart enough to see it."  
  
"Cartman, would you go relive Butters from duty before I kick your ass for saying that about my...." Great, should I say she's my girlfriend to him even though I'm not sure that it's true, I'd better figure it out quick before he twists my words around and tries to make up stuff about me to the guys. Too late, he's talking already. "Your girlfriend, Stan? Well I'm sure she'll love to hear that, it's better than hearing her bitch and moan about how all this is her fault and she's a terrible person for it- even though it's all completly true." That's it, I'm giving the press a front page picture of Cartman recovering from being hit by me! But he's still talking anyway. "I'm sure Wendy will love to hear that before you start throwing up all over her again." Dammit, he picks now to say something that isn't stupid, he purposly says smart stuff only during the time when he's close to getting his fatass kicked!  
  
"What the hell are you talking about, Cartman? I might not throw up on her after this."  
  
"Sure, and I'll stop being a beefcake and become superfat! Look Stan, the basic fact is you're a pussy, you're afraid of snakes, your sister, Wendy, almost everything except jew boy Kyle back there." Well maybe I am scared of a few things, but what the hell does that have to do with anything? Of course, he's still talking before I can ask that out loud. "You know love is a sick thing, kids our age should not be in love because it's totally sick and wrong. And you know you're gonna get majorly ripped on by the guys for being in love like you always do, so what's the point? You're just gonna throw up on her again like the hippie that you are, and we're still gonna rip on you which you don't like in the least! So why bother? Wendy said it herself that you shouldn't be like that, so why shouldn't you forfill her wishes? There's really no reason to keep at it Stan, so there's no reason to defend your bitching and moaning ex against my nyah!" And with that, he's gone to calm a nervous Butters down and take him off deputy guard duty.  
  
He does this just to piss me off. He decides to make a tiny bit of sense just to make me upset, how typical of that asshole. But if it was anyone else, I would still probably think that he has at least one point, love is pretty sick for 9 year olds. And he said pretty much the same thing as Kyle's mom did to me about me being too young, so if those two actually agree on something, then maybe it does have some merit! And I did really hate the guys ripping on me while I was grinning one of those love grins around Wendy, I could do without those. Is she really worth having to hear those stupid jokes? And the whole business of this being her fault could be a factor for the no answer to that question. Plus, if Kyle was telling the truth, even Wendy now agreed that she had unfairly pressured me into curing my problem, even though I wasn't ready to do it. And it's not like I've been faitfhul to her this whole time, there was that whole Miss Ellen incident and the Bebe's boobs thing that knocked her down a peg. If I really liked her, wouldn't I have stoped myself from having crushes on them?  
  
So maybe....maybe the answer to this whole "Do I really like Wendy?" question isn't as hard as I thought....  
  
Agh, get a hold on yourself Stan! You don't have to make a decision right away, you still got 2 and a half more days before you're 9 again. Maybe I should stop thinking about Wendy for now- so that means I obviously can't read the paper since the articles about her will remind me of her in spades. Maybe I'll watch some TV. Yeah, there might be some sports on, I hear 40 year old guys really get into that when they're that age, it's like their national pastime. At least that's what Dad says, but since I'm taller than him now I could overrule him if I wanted to. Hah, there, I've got my mind off of her already...nope, now it's back on her again. Dammit, just watch the game and try to relax, at least you still have those chips to eat while you're watching it too.  
  
******************************************************  
  
Later that night......  
  
Wow, at least I found one thing that's cool about being old. You get to have more tasty dinners, Mom sure made some nice steak and other tasty things for me. There was no ugly ass vegetables in my dinner at all, at least I have that to look forward to when I'm actually old. Well, better go throw my plates out and find something else to do before I go to sleep, I hear people just under 40 go out like a light. But I'm sure Cartman's demands that no one come in here will keep me up for a while. Yep, I can hear him right now telling someone to keep out or face his authoritah. Wait, I hear Kyle answering him, so of course Cartman would want to keep him out. Better answer the door and tell him to take himself off duty, even if he hits me with his stick I can get him in more trouble and increase his grounding time.   
  
No wait, I hear Kyle telling him that there's an all you can eat buffet across the street, of course that'll get him running faster than usual. Uh huh, sounds like he's running away all right, I can hear him telling everyone to get the fuck out of his way so he can have his break time. I'll just open the door now and let Kyle come in.  
  
"Go on Wendy, I got Cartman away, you can go in to see him now."  
  
Did I hear Kyle right through that door? No, he must be saying something wrong, he probably came to see me alone so we could enjoy ourselves together before I went fast asleep. He didn't just tell Wendy to go in because she wouldn't be here. But there he goes again. "Come on Wendy, go in and see him."  
  
"I....I can't."  
  
Now I know I didn't hear that wrong. I haven't heard Wendy's voice in days, but I'd know it anywhere. Jesus Christ, she's actually here to finally visit me! But wait, didn't she just say she can't? Maybe I should wait a while before opening the door to hear her explain herself to Kyle.  
  
"Wendy, Cartman's gonna kill me when he comes back yelling that there is no all you can eat buffet across the street. I risked that so you'd get in to see Stan without any trouble, so go see him already!"  
  
"Well..."  
  
"Oh come on, you told me a few hours ago that you thought you'd be able to face him now!"  
  
"Well I only say I thought, now I know I'm not! I'm sorry, but, but I thought I'd be brave enough to face him and I'm not. I still can't face him, not after what I helped do to him." Well, the press and Kyle weren't lying after all, she really is blaming herself for this. I'd better stop thinking for now so I can listen to this.  
  
"Wendy, I think you're being a little, well, monotous with this whole blaming yourself thing, it's getting a bit old."  
  
"But you know it's true, why would you have said it all last week if it wasn't?"  
  
"Because I was too angry at Stan facing death to think straight! Okay, so maybe it was your fault, but I said I was sorry for rubbing it in, we all did! We forgave you because you led the charge to save his life, and now the only one besides the press who's still blaming you is you!"  
  
"I'm sure Stan's had enough time to think that way too."  
  
"Wendy, I didn't hear him say anything like that when I visited him, so maybe that means something."  
  
"Yeah, it means he's not well enough yet to say it out loud. Why would he still wanna be with someone who pressured him to fall in love, and who pretty much said she'd break up with him if he didn't cure himself right this second? That's what made him wanna take that maturity drug, and that's what almost killed him, and you know he wouldn't have taken it if I didn't make him think I'd dump him if he didn't."  
  
Whoh. She's absolutly right, I wouldn't have taken it if I didn't think she'd dump me in a second for not being that mature. Maybe she's making a point about me not wanting to be with someone like that too. Wait, Kyle's talking again, better turn off the brain for a minute.  
  
"Wendy, maybe you're right, you probably are right. But maybe you should go see him first to make sure he feels that way."  
  
"I...I can't. I can't face him. Maybe that was the problem to begin with, I wouldn't just face him to help him."  
  
"What does that mean?"  
  
"I mean that maybe talking to him instead of pressuring him could have prevented this!"  
  
"Wendy, Cartman will be back any minute to stop you from going in, I don't think you should waste that time by repeating every piece of evidence that says you did this....again. You haven't said anything new against yourself for a while now."  
  
"Then how about this? Instead of being grossed out by his vomiting and telling him to stop by himself, I could have helped him. I could have worked with him to find a way to cure him together, instead of just telling him that it was gross and he should stop on his own. Girlfriends are supposed to help their guys with their problems, and I didn't do one thing to help him stop, I just assumed he had to do it on his own because it was the mature and overly moral thing to do. Or maybe I could have figured out that he threw up because he was uncomfortable around me. Then maybe I could try to make him comfortable, I could have easily just talked to him and we could have worked out ways where he would feel safe around me. What I should have done from the start was try to help him, I could have easily talked it out with him and find out why he felt nervous around me and then fix whatever problems he had around me. But I didn't even make an effort."  
  
Geez, now her voice really doesn't sound good, it sure sounds like she's starting to cry at that. But it sounds like she's going on anyway. "I didn't make an effort. I wanted him to do all the effort of being a boyfriend, and I did nothing. I thought I was so perfect and that I knew everything, so I didn't think I was doing anything wrong, he was making all the mistakes. Why should I actually make an effort to help him and talk things out with him, I did nothing wrong, it's his fault. But you and the press and my own stupid, way too smart brain have taught me otherwise, why shouldn't he figure it out too?! Why shouldn't he?!!" Oh Jesus, now it sounds like she's breaking things to go along with her screaming. "So what if I'm being even more overbearing in saying it's my fault all the time, I have a reason to!!" Geez, sounds like she broke something big that time. "If this was a one time mistake I wouldn't act this hysterical, but I made mistakes for years and I was too stupid to see it, so there you go! There you go!!" Sounds like something else expensive got broken by her, but now all I can hear is crying. That's it, I'm just gonna take a peek and see what's going on, but maybe it'd be best that she didn't see me or else who knows what she'd break.  
  
There I go, I'm opening the door a crack and looking through it. All kind of glasses and medical things are on the floor around Kyle, and Kyle standing besides.....a totally shaken up Wendy. Oh my God, look at her. She's crying her eyes out and her eyes are totally red, she's far from being the cheerful girl she was when she wasn't yelling at other girls to stay away from me. Jesus Christ, she's totally broken down, she can't even control herself now. I almost can't bring myself to keep looking at this, I can't believe what this whole thing has done to her. There's not even a hint of happiness in her, she's totally shot. And all because of me almost dying and everything she said she did wrong. Bur right now I don't care about that, I mean Jesus, look at her. Even if this is her fault, she doesn't deserve to look and feel like that, not even Cartman does. And if Cartman doesn't deserve that, someone who is usually the smartest and nicest girl in school sure doesn't either. Oops, it looks like she's getting up, better close the door quick. And now I think I can hear her at least trying to talk again.  
  
"Kyle? Kyle, could you do me a favor? Could....could you tell Stan that I'm sorry I can't see him? Tell him, tell him I need more time. Tell him I still need time to think about this, reflect on my own life, and sort out what I'm going to do about him and about everything. I just need some time to think and sort my thoughts out before I can face him. Until them I can't....at least not yet. But please tell him it's not because of him. It's not that I don't want to see him, if I was in my right mind I'd see him in a second. And that's because I love him. Can you tell him all that so he'll understand and not be more mad at me?"  
  
"Sure Wendy, of course I will. Somehow I think he'll understand."  
  
"You know, Stan hasn't been lucky to have me as a girlfriend lately. But he is really lucky to have you as a best friend." Well, at least she's 100% right about that, that's the only thing she's been right about that I couldn't debate against. "I never did thank you for helping me save Stan's life, or for making me see those things about myself, even if you did yell them at me."  
  
"That's okay Wendy, I said I was sorry for that already. Well, I guess you'd better get to that thinking before Cartman comes back or before a press guy gets here. I'll just be in there for a minute. So, um, goodnight."  
  
"Okay, good night Kyle, I'll see you later."  
  
So now that whole arguement is over. But now the arguement in my head is louder than ever. I still can't even explain in my head how I felt to see Wendy like that, even if she was as awful as she says was there's no way in Hell she deserves to feel like that. Even if I don't love her anymore, I still care about her enough to want her to be a lot more happy, I would never hate her enough to want her like that, never! Now I'm back to not knowing how I feel about her again, I'm back at square one. Just when I thought I was gonna say no to her, now her horrible condition comes forward. And the fact that I wanted to come out there and help her feel better and try to calm her down sure means that I at least care about her feelings somewhat. I wanted to make her stop crying and cheer her up, but I didn't, so what does that mean?   
  
Does that mean I still do care about her, but I was too much of a coward to go out there and make her feel good? Does that mean that's exactly what I've been doing the entire time we've known each other? Why would I go out there in a second to cheer up Kyle or another one of my other friends, but not do it for her? I know now that I still care about her, so why didn't I show it? Why haven't I really even shown it when there isn't vomit involved? God, my brain's hurting again, I can't think clearly with so many thoughts in my head! And now Kyle's coming in to see my brain getting hurt.  
  
"Stan? Um, look Stan, Wendy says-"  
  
"I heard everything Kyle, I stopped being deaf when I was 75."  
  
"Look Stan, I think she's feeling really fragile right now, so maybe you shouldn't try to talk to her right away after you get out. You seriously should give her some time, it would really be best for her and you, and it'd give you time to do all that thinking about your feelings for her that you told me you were doing."  
  
"What do you think I'm doing now?!" Great, now I'm getting angry at him just because he's telling the truth. "I'm sorry Kyle, it's just....maybe I should be alone for a little while. I'll see you tomorrow, dude, okay? You should probably go before Cartman comes back to kill you."  
  
"Yeah, I guess I should. Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then, dude." So off Kyle goes to get away before Cartman tells at him for lying about an all you can eat meal. Maybe I should go in the bathroom so I don't have to hear it that much, it has been 10 minutes since I last had to go, so I'll probably have to pee in a second anyway....  
  
******************************************************  
  
Sunday morning....  
  
Well, the good news is that now that I'm less than 30 years old this morning, my bones aren't that sore anymore. And while I'm getting used to not hearing my bones crack when I sit up anymore, I only have 2 days left to stay in this stupid hospital room, it won't be long till I'm back in my old room again. And maybe I'd enjoy that more if I was able to get the image of Wendy crying out of my head. Now I can't even think my own tangled up thoughts about this whole debate without going back to that picture. Well....there is one other thing I've had a hard time not thinking about too. She actually stopped crying long enough to say that she loved me. Boy, of all the things that were possibly left to make this even more complicated, that was a good one.  
  
Maybe reading about something other than us in the papers will help, though maybe it's a positive side effect of the antidote that I'm not that interested in reading papers anymore. Not that I'd miss them that much after reading the shit they've been writing about this mess. If I never read another article with my old age pictures all over it, or another article that makes me look like a drug freak, or especially one that makes Wendy look like an evil bitch with her crying pictures all over the place, it'll be too soon. When I get better again, I'll make sure my parents run them out of town if they haven't already. Hey, where are my parents anyway, they said they'd be here in the morning. Oops, never mind, here they are.  
  
"Good morning, almost young man!" Gee, and to think Dad isn't usually a morning person, but maybe not getting much sleep for much of the week can do that to you. Yuck, it's not like Mom is trying to fill in the grumpiness void anyway, that sloppy kiss on the cheek proves that. "Good morning sweetie, I guess you're almost ready to go home, aren't you?"  
  
"Just two more days, dude. Mephisto didn't say that there might be something wrong to stop that, did he?"  
  
"No, not that we're that happy to see him even when he isn't telling us bad news. At least the press is making him the bad guy enough for us." Way to avoid being bitter, Dad. Oh well, at least he isn't yelling at me for taking it to start it. "Of course you were a little stupid in taking that drug to start with, all because you weren't able to stop throwing up. You know we could have take you to a doctor to fix that if you wanted."  
  
"Randy, stop it please, I just finished crying my eyes out over this whole thing and I'd rather not hear anything that'd make me go off again." Boy, at least I was out of it the first few times Mom got hysterical about this, though I'm glad she didn't resort to burying bodies like she did the last time she thought they were gonna take me away. Of course back then she thought I killed people even thought one of those alternate universe fish did it. God, that was sure off topic, but it's a bit better to think about the past than the present these days. "Okay Sharon, but you know how mad that Mephisto made me for helping to make this horrible situation happen, him and everyone else that almost killed our son!" Well, so much for not thinking about the past. I guess I'd better confirm just who's among those people he hates.  
  
"Dad, do you hate Wendy like you hate those other people?"  
  
"Huh. Well, um, do you mean did I hate her like that before or do I hate her now? I have different answers for both those questions."  
  
"Your father's right, that question wasn't too clear, Stanley. If that's another side effect of that drug, that Mephisto had better hope it wears off quick. I'm not taking a son who doesn't make any sense home and act happy about it at the same time!" What a surprise, I ask people for advice and it isn't helping one bit, but at least the others got a little bit of what passes for advice out. Better shut them up before they get out and kill Mephisto, then I'd never get away from those reporters again.  
  
"Aw forget it, you guys! Kyle and his mom and Cartman couldn't help me figure out how I should feel about Wendy, why should you be any different?! Hell, you'd probably say I'm too young to be in love anyway, so what's the point?!" Okay, at least that shut them up. Better get comfortable for one of their lectures thought, I wonder if it'll be one arguing against love or just against me yelling at them while they plan to hurt someone.  
  
"Stan, what's the matter about Wendy?"  
  
"Like you don't know, Dad. I took that drug because I wanted to stop throwing up on her, I thought I was really in love with her to want to do that. Now...now I don't know how to feel. I know you'd hate her no matter what I decide, so you really can't be much of a help after all." All right, Wendy dragged me to enough chick movies to let me know that parents love complaning about their kids in love, so I wonder how they'll complain about this one.  
  
"That's not true, sweetie. Maybe it was Wendy's fault as well as Mephisto's, but she's apologized for it a million times. Usually with tears in her eyes, isn't that right Randy?" Well, there's a bit of a surprise, maybe movies are liers as well as way too loud after all.  
  
"Yeah, I'm still getting her tears out of my good shirt. Even if we could blame her, the fact is you wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for her. She convinced everyone to help make that antidote in time, and I know if you give her another chance she'd do everything in her power to fix her mistakes she loves complaining about."  
  
"So you don't hate her? Then I guess you guys wouldn't think it would be a bad idea to get back together with her, right?"  
  
"I suppose not. Is that what you want to tell us, that you want to be her boyfriend again?"  
  
"I don't know that Mom, I don't know anything. First I wanna say I love her, but if I did wouldn't I have shown it more without any vomit in the past? Then I wanna say I don't like her that much, but then I remember seeing her cry her eyes out last night. I can't just let her feel that way, I know that I at least wanna make her feel better when I get outta here, so I know I still care about her. But if I really did, wouldn't I have stopped vomiting on my own, but...." Oh great, it's bad enough I keep saying the same stuff over and over in my head, now I'm boring my parents with it. "Oh forget it, I'm not saying anything new at all, I've just been thinking the same pros and cons of this whole thing for two days and I'm sick of it! I guess nothing you say can really shift the balance one way or another."  
  
"No, I suppose not. We really can't tell you who you can fall in love with until you're legitimatly older. This is something you'll have to figure out for yourself."  
  
"You're right Dad, but there has to be some important fact that I'm missing that would make it easier. Isn't there one thing you could say that that would point me towards figuring out one answer or the other?"  
  
"Probably not, I can't even ask if you really love this girl because even you don't know. But if you really do, we won't object at all, we know that when she's not on a crying binge she really is a very smart and sweet little girl. We're just still thanking God that you're alive to make choices like this, and we'll be thanking Him or whoever's responsible everyday for a long time." Leave it to Mom to start getting all emotional like that, and to start hugging me to drive the point home. But I can't really complain, I'm glad that I'm alive to do this too, and I'm glad my parents care about me enough to start crying like this. And it's all because of Wendy's bright idea to get everyone to cough up the supplies for the antidote in time. Wow, that's a big arguement in favor of loving her, now that I think about it. I just hope....ow, I just hope Mom lets me start breathing again so I can update the score. Phew, Dad finally made her let go, I can catch my breath again.  
  
"Okay son, I think we've said all we can say right now. We'll be outside if you need us."  
  
"Okay Dad.", I struggle to say in between the coughing for breath. And apperantly he thinks patting me on the back will help that out.  
  
"Don't worry about us and Wendy, Stan. We'll support you in whatever you figure out, but I gotta say this. Wendy cared about you enough to save your life and she still says that she loves you even though you kept throwing up on her. Girls who love you that much don't come around every day, you know." No Dad, I didn't know, but maybe if I analyze that some more, I'll wish I had earlier. Hell, that's probably the only really good opinion about this thing I've heard all weekend. And they're leaving to let me think that over some more, at least they know how to make an enterence. They're really, REALLY dumb sometimes, but once in a while one of them says something smart like Dad just did.  
  
Yeah, Wendy did say she still loved me last night. Even after I threw up on her and put her through all this pain and suffering by almost dying. I sure don't know many people other than Kyle who'd stay that loyal to me. Then again, she was that loyal to me to make sure no girl even thought of taking me away, though that didn't always work. I heard those rumors that Miss Ellen was really shot into the sun by Iraqi friends of Wendy, but I thought those were just rumors until Kyle told me Wendy complained about that during one of her rants. Christ, I guess she can be that crazy, but she acted that way because I did really have a crush on her, that kinda doesn't make me that blameless. And why would she fight like that for me unless she really had feelings that strong for me? Even after all the stupid vomiting and shit I've done over the years? Boy, I sure was oblivious to not see that in the past.  
  
Yeah, I think we're finally starting to get somewhere, now that I know just how much she really cares about me it makes me a lot more flattered. I knew there was no way I could hate her after I saw her last night, now this confirms it. Oh, but then there's that one big question again. If I felt even a little bit the same way about her that she feels about me, why didn't I try to stop throwing up the normal way, and why did I throw up at all? Better stop myself now, I've been saying the same answers and responses to questions like that over and over and over again all weekend, it's getting really old. I found a new angle just now, I'd better not ruin it by going over the same old shit. Well, I got a day and a half left, another new angle to think about should come up by then. Hell, maybe it'll be the one that makes me figure this out once and for all, I can only hope. But I'm getting closer to being less desperate about figuring it out now, at least I got that going for me.  
  
******************************************************  
  
Later that night.....  
  
Whoh dude, the last thing I remember was lying in my bed trying to go to sleep, now here I am back in town again. Looks like I'm in my house actually, and Mom and Dad are still cleaning up party favors from what looks like my coming home party. Well, at least I can relax on my own couch again, that hospital bed got pretty old after a while. Wait a minute...oh shit, I can't relax now, Wendy's here!  
  
"Hiiii Stan" she says with that cute way of letting the hi drag on, I always liked that, almost enough to....oh dude, there I go with the vomit again, it's all over her coat. She looks disgusted, but it looks like she shrugged it off faster than usual. "Sorry." I'm saying like I always am.  
  
"That's okay Stan. I understand that I can't stop you from throwing up, so I'm giving up trying." Hmm, that makes me feel a bit less relieved than I should be. "And you don't have to say you love me or anything like that because..." She's sighing now, that can't be good. "Because you're not ready to be one of those romantic movie boyfriends, but I love you anyway. So although I'd rather not be thrown up on and have you try to be romantic with me, I'll live without it because pressuring you to do that caused this mess. You can throw up and ignore me all you want." Geez dude, that sounds a bit harsh and it's sure not something I'd ever think she'd say to me. But maybe it's for the best, trying to change things almost killed me.  
  
"Okay Wendy, it's a deal." Crap, she's going over to kiss me again, yep, here comes the vomit again. Yuck, I need to brush my teeth pretty badly right now. Doing that would be better than seeing the disappointment on Wendy's face right now.  
  
Wait, hold on....what the hell is she doing not only looking disappointed, but aging about 5-10 years too?! Shit, I'm that much older too, what's happining? But she's talking too much for me to think about it now. "Happy 10'th anniversary Stan, I love you." Oh, there she goes with kissing me again, and there I go with vomiting on her again. "Ew! Heh, that's all right Stan, I don't mind. I haven't minded for years, why should I mind going 10 years with a boyfriend who still throws up on me and doesn't do anything love like for me now?" Jesus, what the hell is she saying that for, and why the hell am I feeling this bad for it? What the hell is going on-  
  
Whoh, now I'm seeing the hospital bed at night. Christ, it was all a dream. I'm still in my room like I was before I had that dream, that fucked up dream that is. Where did that come from, of all the ways I could dream about her while I'm this close to being cured, why'd I dream about her that way? Is it a sign or a warning or something? In any case, I won't figure it out now since I'm too tired, so I'd better go back to dreamland and hope I don't have another dream like that again. Then I'll use the last day I have to sort out my feelings and figure out about that strange factor. Oh crap, I do have only one day left to sort all this out before I go back to throwing up on her. Maybe I should get back to sleep now so I can wake up quicker and have enough time tomorrow to settle this once and for all....oh, off to dreamland I go now.  
  
******************************************************  
  
Monday afternoon.....  
  
Whoh dude, it sure feels like I'm starting to shrink now. It looks like it too, look at me, I'm a teenager now! Only one more day and I'll look like a normal kid again, it sure feels like I am already. My bones aren't hurting, I feel like running around and being hyper again, and those strange hairs all around my penis are starting to go away. It's not even hard anymore for some reason, it was like that all the time when I was older. Hell, now that I'm starting to feel better again maybe I can take a walk around the hospital, the press is probably starting to go away since I'm almost cured anyway. Better put on a hat and glasses just in case.  
  
Okay now, off I go to take a little walk around the outside of my room. I almost feel like jogging, boy it sure feels good to have the energy of a kid back. It's about time I thought about something good, after all those thoughts about Wendy I was due to think of something that would make me happy....  
  
Oh shit, here come the bad thoughts again, now I remember that I have to figure out if I'm in love with her today, if I figure it out after I get better it'll probably be too late because I'll be used to throwing up on her again. Dammit, this isn't fair! Well, maybe all the positive things I thought about her yesterday will help, I still find it hard to believe that after all I put her through, she still likes me that much. Maybe I shouldn't be that surprised though, when she wasn't being all those negative things she keeps saying she was, she was always the nicest and most tolerant person in our class. She always protested against the evil things in the world and tried to get Mr Garrison to teach us stuff that actually happened- wait, that isn't really something I was happy about, so scratch that. But I guess I can admire her for being so outspoken and compassionate about things other than herself anyway. And I obviously saw that and other things about her if I went to all this trouble on her behalf. It couldn't just be because she's the most pretty girl i know, that's for sure. Although she is that pretty enough for that to make sense, with that big smile showing off those white teeth, that hair that's so long and alluring and is probably the most smooth, silky hair in the whole world, and those lips that I've wanted to touch for what seems like forever, although I did kiss her while I was on that drug but so much happened since then that I don't even remember it happining. Boy, wouldn't it be nice to feel those lips again without any drugs in me...   
  
Aw dammit, my penis feels like it's getting bigger again, bad enough it did that in the privacy of my own hospital room! Better stop and cool off for a second. There, that's better. Now that was definatly the strangest Wendy related thoughts I've had next to that crazy dream last night. Still, again she is that pretty. God, if I ever said that shit out loud to the guys they'd never let me hear the end of it, even Kyle. That is still one of the two big issues left apperantly, I can't act all lovey dovey around them like that or they'd tease me forever, even if I did feel that way my rep would be ruined. But it probably would make Wendy happy to hear that, and what she needs more than anything is to be happy right now. Is her happiness less important to me than what the guys say about me? And of course, that old issue that I would have cured myself of this if I was really in love is still there. Ugh, pull it together Stan, you can start thinking the same old shit over and over after getting back to jogging. I'll just turn around and get back to it. And I'll turn around right now....oh crap.  
  
Goddammit, Maury Povitch is about 30 feet in front of me, and he's talking to Kyle! "Come on kid, I'm dying out here, I'm being trashed by my peers for being used in that douche John Edwards plan to get the press here to ruin your friend's recovery, I need something good to come out of it! Will you let me talk to Stan, please?"  
  
"No Mr Povitch, Stan's too sick to talk to you." Well, there goes my morning jog, better tiptoe back to my room and let Kyle keep distracting him. My forehead's sweaty though, I should wipe that off. There we.....crap, my sunglasses fell off! Come on, pick them up before Kyle or Povitch notice. "Hey, that guy looks exactly what Stan's parents told me he looked like now!" Gee thanks Kyle, way to choose now to say something stupid. "Hey, it's my old buddy Stan, isn't it? Hi Stan, it's your pal Maury!" Like hell you are, I'm outta here.  
  
"Stan, come back, I only wanna talk to you for a minute! Why do you think we keep coming here, we just want a few minutes of your time to ask some questions about this! And I'll only take a few minutes, then you can have the rest of the day to relax and finish getting better, mainly because I'll be too busy gloating that I got an interview for anyone else to get in here. Please Stan, don't make me beg, cause I'm good at begging!" Ow, great he's holding on to my leg now! I guess an interview would be less painful than seeing him beg, though it'd better be a good one for Kyle's sake.  
  
"All right dude, I'll give you your stupid interview, just get your hands off of my leg! I just got most of the hair off of it!"  
  
A few minutes later.....  
  
"So how's it feel to nearly be 9 years old again?" Wow, what an original first question, Maury.  
  
"It's better than feeling 100 years old, even though I don't remember much of that feeling and I don't want to."  
  
"What's next for this new posterchild for overhyped media stories?" Boy, these reporters sure have fancy ways to call you Stan, don't they?  
  
"I guess I'll go back to school the day after tomorrow, it's hard enough to follow Mr Garrison's class when I'm there all the time anyway."  
  
"And you're sure you'll be able to face your friends again after putting them through hell because of your near death?"  
  
"Well yeah, dude. Of course Cartman will have jokes to make about the whole thing, but he probably already used most of them. He'll go back to making poor jokes and Jew jokes by the end of the week as if nothing ever happened."  
  
"But it did happen, Stan. Do you feel any hatred for the people that made this possible?"  
  
"I think my parents hate Mephisto enough for all of us, but once I get home they'll forget about that."  
  
"What about Wendy? Think they'll forget about everything she did to almost kill you?" Fuck, thanks a whole lot for making this interview possible, Kyle. "I mean, she's admitted that this mess is her fault for unfairly pressuring you to cure your vomiting problem, something which made you desperate enough to take that drug in the first place. She knows it, we all know it, and I know you know it. How much do you hate her for it?"  
  
"I don't hate her for it, she's hating herself enough for the both of us."  
  
"As well she should be, what kind of a kid is that stuck up and bitchy that she wants to rob you of the right to be a regular kid? A real bitch, that's what! Don't worry, us media have spread the word about that and let the world know what she did to you." Well Cartman, for once I found someone other than you that can piss me off the most, congrats for that.  
  
"I think you guys did that too well. She's crying her eyes out most of the time over this, she doesn't need people like you telling her that it's her fault over and over."  
  
"Then she shouldn't have done it then, if she didn't want to be know for causing this to happen she shouldn't have pressured you so unfairly."  
  
"Hey, all she wanted was for me to stop throwing up and treat her like a boyfriend, I think she deserved that much."  
  
"But she sure won't now because you hate her and everyone else does too." I'd better talk for a long time because if Maury opens his mouth again, I'm sure I'll kick his ass all the way across town.  
  
"I don't hate her, I've never hated her, and no one I know except for Cartman hates her either! Hell, did you bother to report that it's because of her that they made an antidote in time to save my life?! But even after all that she's beating herself up because she thinks she made this happen in the first place, she's thinking like you do that's she evil! Well she's not dude, okay?! She's one of the most thoughtful, caring, smartest people I know, and at least she's nice enough to want to change what's wrong with her like I know she'll do everything to do once she gets better, a bitch would just ignore that and not change at all!" At any other time this week I'd call my blood boiling up right now as a side effect of the drug, but I know it's not. I'm actually seriously pissed at this man for badmouthing Wendy. "And get this, I know if she knew about the drug before I took it, she would have stopped me from doing it to begin with! She never wanted me to go this far to cure myself, I chose to do it all on my own and she didn't make me! She would have stopped me if she knew, so how can you call this her fault?!"  
  
"Isn't it obvious? I already told you it's because she's uptight and too much of a bitch to let you throw up on her like a normal kid, normal kids are supposed to be stupid and obvlious and she isn't, how not normal is that? She's too smart for her age and too overbearing, and would you really like someone who would shoot girls to the sun if they even looked at you like she's done! I personally think you'd be stupid for that move, kid, but being stupid is what got her to convince you to get in this mess!" All right, that's it, he's gonna be lucky to get outta this room in one piece.  
  
"Don't you dare call her a bitch, Maury, even if she was back then she's not gonna be that way anymore! And what do you know about her to judge her like this, I've known her for years and I know that she's that smart because she works hard and she's gonna have a great, meaningful job one day if you don't get off her case about this being her fault, which it isn't! And I'm sick of you assholes telling her that it is, she's fucking miserable because of it, and she doesn't deserve it! She's too much of a good person to deserve being that fucking miserable! You know what, you're too stupid to understand that, so get out!!" I'm opening the door now and Maury had better pray I don't push him onto the fucking floor to get him through the opening. "You heard me, get the fuck out, this interview's over!! You assholes leave me and Wendy alone!!" Good, he's scared enough now to leave, but I'm still pissed at him so I'll keep yelling some more! "You hear me, you leave Wendy alone, I won't let you make her feel bad anymore, she doesn't deserve it!! If anyone deserves it it's me because it isn't her fault, it's mine! You hear me Maury, this is my fucking fault, not hers, MINE!!" Oh my God. I'm shutting the door so I can be alone to diguest this new information.....it's my fault.  
  
It's my fucking fault.  
  
It's my fault and why shouldn't it be? I'm the one who threw up all the time to begin with, I'm the one that wanted to use a drug to cure it instead of actually facing my fears, I'm the one that almost died and put Wendy and everyone else through hell, and Wendy really would have stopped me from taking the drug if she had the chance. Jesus Christ, I feel dizzy all of a sudden. Wendy's miserable beyond belief because of me, I made her a hated person when she didn't deserve to be. It was all me.  
  
"Dude, are you all right?! I'm sorry I got that douche Povitch to notice you, I had to choose that time to not be smart!"  
  
"You're damm right Kyle, you heard what happened in there! Don't come in right now, in fact don't talk to me from behind my door like you're doing now, I wanna be alone!"  
  
"But Stan, I said I was sorry, I'm sure I can come up with something to cheer you up-"  
  
"Get the fuck away from my door Kyle, I need to be alone right now!!" There's that boiling feeling again, but maybe I should put it away for one more second. "I'm sorry Kyle, I know you're sorry too, but I just....I need to think right now. You'd feel the same way if you realized you're the reason this all happened and you're the reason someone like Wendy feels so horrible. I'll see you later, okay?" I guess that worked, I hear him walking away. Now I can just hear my thoughts blaming myself for this thing, and to think Kyle said Wendy blaming herself was getting really old right now. Well since I know what's that like right now I would beg to differ about that- although I have more plausible reasons to be like that. Because it's my fault, not hers.  
  
And now that I think about it, this isn't the only thing I'm to blame for.  
  
Wendy said a few days ago that she didn't make an effort to try to help me fix my problem, but there wouldn't be a problem if I didn't make an effort to fix it myself, would there? I made no real effort to fix my problem until this mess, and when I wasn't throwing up I was basically ignoring her for like, months at a time. Fuck, I can't remember any times at all when I even tried to be romantic with her like she wanted, half of the time I even denied that she was my girlfriend to the guys. Hey, that's right, I did like denying that, didn't I, I really didn't want people joking about me for liking her like that. But I don't even like a lot of the people that make those jokes, especially Cartman, so why would I value their opinion more than the obviously hurt feelings of someone I like?! Dammit, no wonder she was thinking of breaking up with me before this, what did I ever do to make her feel special? And I just practically said to Maury that Wendy deserves to feel special, which I know now is true. But all I did was make her feel as bad as possible, all because I wanted to cheat to get her to like me.  
  
What kind of a boyfriend am I if I made her feel like that? What kind of person am I anyway for making someone who's usually good and kind and terrific feel like that? And what kind of person am I for not realizing earlier just how special she is behind all those faults of her that she and the press love to talk about? Am I just Goddamm stupid?  
  
Yes. I think I am. And I think I feel sick, I need to lie down and try to recover, I really don't feel so good about myself right now....  
  
******************************************************  
  
Monday night....  
  
Now where the hell am I? It looks like the church, so why am I in the front of it and why's Kyle standing next to me in a tux? And what's Wendy doing in front of me wearing a bridal gown that looks....oops, my vomit just ruined that gown. "Ew, Stan! Oh well, let's get on with the marriage ceremony." Marriage ceremony, what- oh yeah, this must be another dream. Well I got nothing else to do, let's see what this has to say to me. Looks like Father Maxi's about to pronounce us man and wife. "I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the-" Too late, just threw up again before she got the chance. But as it seems to be all the time in this dream, she's just sighing and then smiling again.  
  
Oh great, now the church is fading away, now we're in some kinda new house and we're sitting on a couch. We're out of our wedding clothes although Wendy's is far more filled with throw up than mine. "Stan, do you think we'd be able to try to have a baby tonight?" She moves closer to me, but she sure backed off quick after I threw up on her again. "Ew! Oh, never mind, I'm not gonna pressure to cure your problem of 20 years just because I want a baby, or just a kiss for that matter. I'll wait patiently for you to cure it yourself even though my biological clock is ticking away." Okay, I got no idea what this means, but she sure doesn't look very happy at all so I guess she likes having that clock and I'm getting in the way of it. Somehow that's not making me too happy, maybe if I put my hand on her it'll make her better- nope, I just vomited again and it got in her mouth. "Yuck, watch it Stan! This is almost all I can take because....no, I'm not supposed to pressure you, I'll just keep waiting for you to stop like I'm supposed to or else I'm a terrible person." Geez, this is the most guilt filled nightmare I've ever had, why do I keep doing this in my dreams as we get older? Is this trying to tell me something?  
  
Whoh, where am I now?! Oh wait, I'm in my room, it's night time and I'm awake again. What kind of sickass dreams am I having lately? And what time is it anyway? Wow, it's the middle of the night, I can't see a thing but I'll bet I'm real close to being 9 years old again. Mom and Dad will probably come in the second the sun comes up to see me and take me outta here. And that'll be in a few hours, so what's the point of going back to sleep?  
  
No. No, that's the same kind of cowardice I used to get away from doing anything with Wendy, and look what that got me. Those dreams are freaky enough that they have to have some message, and I have a feeling they haven't told me the message yet. Maybe whatever it is will be the final piece in the whole Wendy puzzle, but I won't know unless I find out. That's it then, I'm going back to sleep to see if I have another weird dream that could clue me in on the last remaining details I need to solve my problem. Wait, but now that I'm determined to go to sleep, won't it be harder for me to actually do it? I might stay awake all night trying to go....go to....sleep. Nope, I'm out like a light again.  
  
Later that night.....  
  
All right, where are we now and how old am I now? Looks like a different home than I was in the last time, there's lots of old people in it as another big difference. Luckly there's a mirror nearby, let me get up and see myself- ow, I sure am walking slower than usual. Oh, I'm an old man again from looking in this mirror, that explains it. "Stan?" Hmm, that sounds a little like Wendy, but this voice sounds so old. Oh, Wendy's there and she's old along with another vomit soaked shirt on, that explains that too.  
  
"Happy 75'th anniversary, honey." Whoops, there goes another batch of vomit on her, though this time it was harder to get it out. And as usual in this dream, she looks disgusted before she struggles to put a smile on. "Yep, 75 years on being together even though we didn't share one kiss or have one romantic moment and I didn't hear you say you love me once. Most people would think I wasted my love on someone like you who doesn't do anything boyfriend like for me, but if I forced you to chance I would be the worst person in the world, so I won't. I haven't had one happy moment with you as a result, but it's better than being called horrible for forcing you to do stuff. So happy aniversary." Before I can try to understand all that horrible stuff she just said, she kisses me again, and I'll bet the vomit is coming now. Hey wait, it's not coming, maybe I'm cured! I'd shout that out if I could breathe. Wait, I'm choking on my vomit and I can't breathe, that explains it. Oh no, I can't yell help because I got so much vomit caught in my throat, I'm dying and I can't say a word!! And now I'm falling too!  
  
"Stan, Stan, are you okay?! Oh my God, it looks like you're dying!" No shit Wendy, get some help even though I know this is a dream! Well, why isn't she getting help?! "Oh, thank God it's finally over. Now I can tell you without any guilt that I always hated you!" What, she picked now in my fictional dying moment to tell me that?! "I had dreams to have a good boyfriend who'd treat me right instead of throwing up on me, but I gave them up just because I'd be called a horrible person if I forced myself on you! You never even told me you love me, you never did anything with me and you wasted both our lives! I knew I never should have saved you back then, we both wasted our time!!" Jesus Christ, this is kind of beating the message over my head- oh wait, now vomit's all over my head and Wendy's, some of it must have come out although I'm still choking to death. "Ew! What a fitting end to this pointless relationship that wasted my life away! Goodbye, Mr Marsh!"  
  
No, she's actually walking away from me and leaving me forever! It can't be, it just can't be, not after all we've been through, it can't end this way!! "Wendy! Wendy, come back!!" Great, that's all I can say before I'm fictionally dead, which I will be any second. "Wendy! Wendy, come back....I love you!" Wait, did I say that? I just said I....no, now it's all black again, I'm dead! I said I loved her for the first time just before I died and she didn't hear me! No, that can't be it, it just can't! "Hey wait, get me outta here, I have to see Wendy again! I can't be dead, I never told her how I feel until it was too late! Take me back, God and Wendy, TAKE ME BACK!!"  
  
"AH!!!!" Oh dude, now my eyes are open again and I'm screaming too. I'm awake again, what time is it? Oh, who cares, I'm too shaken up to even see if it's light out or to see what time it is. Jesus Christ, what a nightmare. It had everything in a classic nightmare, me being old and me dying and me never telling Wendy how I really feel about her until it was too late, almost dying before I realized it myself.....  
  
Oh my God. I did almost die before I told her I loved her in the dream. Almost like....almost like how things happened here. I almost died for real last week, if I had I never would have been able to tell Wendy that I....that I at least cared about her. I never told her anything like that before this happened, and if it wasn't for her I would have never gotten another chance to. She saved my life and gave me a second chance at life and at her. And how am I likely going to thank her? By throwing up on her again and wasting my life with her like I did in the fucking dreams!!  
  
That's it, that's the message! In the dream I wasted my life with her and never did anything that showed her I cared because I never tried to! And she just stood there and let it happen because she thought that if she tried to change me, they'd bad mouth her again. And I know that in real life, she might be that sad enough to settle for that. Dude, that's not fair, I don't wanna waste her life like that! She doesn't deserve that and she doesn't deserve to be sad like she is now, she's a wonderful person with a big heart who deserves to be happy and be with someone that will treat her right. And I've never tried to be that person, although I want to so Goddamm much! But instead of doing that I've been a fucking coward, I ruined her clothes and I put her through Hell! I can't keep that up, I don't want to do that to her anymore, I like her too much to put her through that much misery! No, I don't just like her enough, she loves me despite everything I've done and she saved my life, why would I just like her for doing all that for me?! No, I don't like her, I.....I....  
  
"I love her."  
  
Did I say that out loud? Did I think that too? Can I say it again?  
  
"I love her."  
  
My God, I said it. Wait, let me try it one more time using her name, I can't possibly bring myself to do that without throwing up, can I?  
  
"I love Wendy Testaburger." Well what do you know, I just did.  
  
Dude....and I meant it too.  
  
Now it's all so clear to me, let me say it again. "I love Wendy Testaburger." Wow, I said it again without feeling sick or anything, why is that? Maybe....maybe it's because it might be true. Wait, why might it be? Over the last two days I've reminded myself that behind all the less than perfect things about herself, Wendy is one of the best people I know and she's maybe the kindest, most wonderful person I know for still caring about me so much and saving me despite maybe being the worst boyfriend in the world. Why shouldn't I fall in love with someone so wonderful and so beautiful too? Just because the guys would call me sick for doing it?! Well screw them, if I have to choose between making them not feel sick and making Wendy happy, I wanna make Wendy happy by far!!  
  
And I almost died before I realized it.  
  
Dear God, if I had died last week I never would have realized it at all.  
  
I am the worst person in the world. I never realized what I had in having someone like Wendy like me, I never tried to take a chance with her, I tried to use drugs to fall for her when I should have tried to be brave and overcome my fears myself, I almost died and put her through Hell because of it, and now she's made fun by the press and several other people for it. And if I had died, I never would have known just how stupid and horrible I was for not seeing that. For not seeing that..."I love Wendy Testaburger." That's right. "I...I love Wendy Testaburger. I love her."  
  
What's this water doing on my hand? Wait, that's not water, it's a tear. I'm crying on my hands. And why shouldn't I? I almost went my entire life without knowing what I had with Wendy and how stupid I was for never telling her how I feel because I was too stupid to see it myself. I have a right to cry over being that terrible. And off I go. I'm crying because of how I wasted my time with her, I'm crying because I almost died, I'm crying because I never gave the girl who saved my life the respect and love she deserves, hell, I got too many reason for crying to think about, I'll wait till I stop to state them all. But I think I'm gonna keep crying for some time now.  
  
Okay, I think I've been crying for a couple of minutes, but I also think I'm done now. Well, I'm not gonna cry for reasons like that again. I'm getting out of this room right now. I'm going to Wendy's house and I'm gonna say everything I just realized to her. I'm gonna tell her that now I know that I truthfull and honestly am in love with her, and then I'm gonna use that love to stop being a fucking coward and kiss her right on those warm and soft lips of hers. Wait, I don't personally know that they're warm and soft since I've never really kissed them, but that's one of the things I'm gonna change! I'm going out and changing it right now!  
  
"Stan? We heard crying and we thought we heard you scream a minute ago, what's wrong?" Oh, it's Mom and Dad. Well I'm gonna tell them to wait for a second, I'll see them after I get my business done. "Oh my God, Sharon, look!! He's our boy again, he's 9 years old again!! He's back to normal, the evil Mephisto's antidote actually worked!! Oh son, you're back!!" Whoh, they're hugging me so tight that I almost don't have the strength to look over at the mirror on my bed table. Oh my God, I am 9 again!! I'm back to normal, I'm not old or anything! It's finally over, now I can see my friends and the press and show them that I'm not a freak anymore, I'm not.....oh crap.  
  
"Come on Randy, we have to get the doctors and the press in here to see this, and wake up his friends when you're done!" Oh no, oh Goddammit, I gotta tell Mom and Dad to stop quick! Great, it's too late now, Dad's on the phone and Mom's back to hugging me. Dammit, dammit, Goddammit, the doctors and the press and my friends and family will be around me all day now. Which means I won't be able to break away to see Wendy, and I wanted to see her alone so I could tell her what I figured out in private. Fuck! By the time I get a moment's peace with her, the bravery I feel that makes me think I might talk to her and kiss her without throwing up will be gone! Then all this will have been for nothing, shit!  
  
Wait, there is a difference now. Now I know that I really love her, maybe with that I can find the courage to face her and do everything I want to do with her without vomiting, hell, if I kiss her at least once without throwing up I know I'll be cured forever! Well, I guess I can put up with facing my friends and the doctors for today, and if I see the press I'll get to badmouth them and Mr douche- I mean Mr Edward, that'll be fun. But the moment I get to be alone, then I'm gonna call Wendy and meet her to settle this once and for all. I love her. If I just remember that, I might be okay, it's only a matter of waiting for the right time to see her in order to prove it. But thank God all the thinking about it is over, thank the Lord indeed. The hard part's over, I know how I feel now. All that's left is to prove it to both of us....  
  
******************************************************  
  
Late Tuesday afternoon.....  
  
What time is it now? Oh, it's 7:00. So that means this welcome back party at my house has been going on for more than 6 hours, when will it end? All my parents grownup friends are still here, someone I know or don't know is welcoming me back every 10 minutes, and all my friends that are my age again are still here, except for Wendy of course. At least that's a good thing, I don't want to confess everything to her in front of everyone here, I haven't been cured that much yet. I don't even know if I'm cured at all, I'll only know that when I see her and if I kiss her without vomiting, then I'm cured. "But when the hell are these people gonna leave so I can go?! Come on, get outta here already!" So what if I said that out loud, I'm almost ready to kick them all out so I can sneak away. But except for Kyle, apperantly no one else heard it.  
  
"Hey Stan, what was that for? We're all here to celebrate your return to being normal, do you want us to stop or something?"  
  
Well, Kyle is my best friend so I should probably tell him everything and give him the heads up. "Hey Kyle, I have another thing to celebrate besides getting back to normal. I finally made a decision about Wendy."  
  
"Really? Well, what is it then?"  
  
"I...." Crap, if I can't even tell Kyle about how I fell, what chance do I have to tell her? Okay Stan, that's enough of that, you're gonna stop being a coward about this now, remember. Just say it. "Kyle, I'm in love with Wendy. And I'm really serious this time. And the minute I get a moment to myself I'm calling her and meeting her at Stark's Pond to tell her. Then I'll kiss her to prove it." Heh, I sure said it all right, although that seemed to shock Kyle a little. Wait, he looks better now. "I kinda figured that out when you kicked Maury Povitch out yesterday, so since I've had time to deal with it, congrats dude. I'm sure if you actually get to tell her all that, it'll make her feel a whole lot better."  
  
"That's the plan exactly. And if it works, I'm gonna do things a lot different this time, I'm gonna show her how I feel and not care who knows about it." Hold on, in all my thoughts that reminded me about loving Wendy today I forgot I still have to run some last concerns with Kyle. He still thinks girls and kissing are gross, and he'll see a lot more of both if everything goes well, let's hope that doesn't get to him that much. If I remember him enough to keep spending time with him, that is.  
  
"Hey dude? If this works I'm guessing me and Wendy are gonna be spending a lot more time together, and I don't know if I'll remember to spend time with you guys that much. And I know how jealous Wendy can get, I just hope you're not even close to being like that too. So if I forget about you a few times because I'm too in love, well-"  
  
"No problem Stan, I'll just give you a good kick in the ass if that happens, that should jog your memory enough. Besides, I'm sure Wendy will remind you about me if you forget anyway, after all, she still owes me for clueing her in about her mistakes."  
  
One concern down, one to go. "And about this kissing stuff, we'll probably do a lot of it everywhere if I get it right, I'm sure once I finally do it I'll become addicted or something. I know you still think that's gross and I'm just learning that it isn't, so-"  
  
"Yeah, it is sick and gross, but I guess if you wind up liking it that much, I'll have to get used to it too. Hell, I can pass the time laughing at how grossed out Cartman and the guys are along with me. And again, if they give you a hard time about you feeling, well, that way, I'll cut them down to size for it in a second."  
  
Okay, two down and one more that I just remembered to go. "You sure? I mean, I'm sure Wendy will want to tag along while we're doing stuff, would that bother you? You don't hate her anymore, so I guess it shouldn't be that bad, right?"  
  
"No, I guess not. Hell, she isn't that bad, for a girl that is. If you like her that much then I'll learn to deal with her too, and set her straight in case she goes into any bitch relapses too." Looks like that appealed to Kyle's sense of humor since she's laughing, though I'd rather laugh at it after I make her better to begin with. "But Stan, what if you aren't able to tell her all that stuff to begin with?" No Kyle, that was hardly the time to remind me of that possibility, even though I won't let it happen.  
  
"That's not going to happen. I learned something today....well, actually I learned it over the last 4 days but what difference does that make? Anyway, I learned something during all those days, I'm fucking stupid and I'm a fucking chicken. I didn't know how lucky I was to have a girl like Wendy like me so much, and I was too scared to do anything about it. Well I can't do that anymore, Wendy needs to experience love right now and she deserves to. And I wanna try again to give her what she deserves and succeed this time. Kyle, she gave me a second chance at life and at her, and I can't waste it by doing the same throwing up shit I've always done, I just can't. And I'm starting it all the minute I get a moment alone."  
  
Wow, out of all the "I learned something today" speeches I've made over the years, that was the best by far. I wish Kyle would move or something to agree or disagree though. What's he have to say? "You know Stan, Cartman has been here eating your food too much and Butters probably has stuff to do back home, maybe it's time they headed home. And everyone else should probably start going home too before they're too tired or drunk. I'll be back in a minute dude, I'm just gonna try to send them home and start your new life a lot sooner." Another one of his fancy statements, but I can tell that it translated into him wanting to kick everyone out so I could get my moment's peace. "Oh, and since I'll be going home soon I might as well say this now. Good luck Stan, I'll see you with Wendy at school tomorrow." He holds up his hand and of course I have to high five it.  
  
"Thanks dude." And off he goes to start suggesting to people that they leave, and of course Cartman's his first victim. Well, now that I know one person won't be grossed out when they hear about my success in love tomorrow, I can get back to preparing for my success and making sure my success will be successful after all.  
  
An hour later....  
  
Finally Mom and Dad finished cleaning up the party favors. Now they're going upstairs to get big enough trash bags to put the trash in, Shelly's up in her room doing whatever she's doing, and Grandpa's probably try to make rope to hang himself upstairs. Come on Mom and Dad, get upstairs to find your trash bags.....there we go! Now for step 1, call Wendy on the phone and invite her to Stark's Pond, the perfect romantic place to spill my guts, hopefully not literally. It was where I stopped throwing up on her every time she even talked to me, so that makes it more special. Better turn up the TV so they don't hear me, I want this to happen entirely by myself with no one giving me any advice or spying on me or anything. I'll just up the volume of the TV news.  
  
"Our top story tonight, the saga of Stan Marsh has finally come to an end as today he returned to being 9 years old again and was released from the hospital. He will now return to his normal life and try to catch up on the two weeks of school he missed. Meanwhile, with every part of the story covered us newsmen are struggling to find something new to obssesively talk about. Unfortunatly the best we have is Maury Povich and John Edward, who after a few days are still nowhere to be found, not that we'd miss the douches."  
  
Okay, one more top news story involving me, at least it's the last one and at least the two douches seem to be missing and outta my sight. Plus I know Wendy always watches the news so she's probably wide awake and able to hear the phone. That's a good sign, now to dial her phone number to prove it. It's ringing now. Oh, what am I gonna say anyway? I'm only inviting her over to talk so I can't give too much away, but I've gotta find the right things to say and the right way to say it.  
  
"Hello, Testaburger residence?" That's her, sounding almost as down as she was days ago. Better get right to the point. "Can you sneak outta the house for a little bit?" That was to the point all right.  
  
"Stan? Is that really you?"  
  
"Yeah, my parents and family are finally done welcoming me home for a while, so I have some time. Meet me at Stark's Pond in 15 minutes, I really need to talk to you."  
  
"Well, okay, I'll be right there." And there it is, she hung up and she should be getting ready any second, which means I'd better hurry. Okay Stan, step 1 went by without a hitch, let's get there quick so I'll have time to pray that steps 2 and 3 go just as great. I'll probably wind up praying anyway, my entire love life hinges on telling her I love her and on kissing her, well more on kissing her because if I tell her I love her and then vomit again, I'll sound like I'm lying. But I guess I should just focus on doing one thing at a time, and on getting to Starks Pond quick so I'll have a few extra minutes to prepare....  
  
******************************************************  
  
10 minutes later.....  
  
Wow, Starks Pond really does looks cool at night, even from here where I'm hiding behind the tree to surprise Wendy when she gets here. Maybe she shouldn't get here that fast though, I still gotta figure out how to tell her everything. "Wendy, I love you. Hey Wendy, I love you. I love you Wendy. Whoh, I love you dude. Hey, guess what? I love you." No, none of those sound right and I should probably have one way of saying it planned out. If I don't know how to say it I'll get nervous and throw up, I just know it. I'm nervous enough now and she's not even here yet. Snap out of it Stan! You know you love her, you should be able to get through this for her, you know you have to so just do it! But when's she getting here so I can?  
  
"Hello? Anybody there?"  
  
Oh my God, there she is. I haven't seen her clearly and without tears in more than a week. Oh man, she looks even more beautiful at night, what I wouldn't give to kiss her right now. Hold on Stan, you don't wanna come off as a Goddamm maniac with that move. Just introduce yourself now.  
  
"You know, I remember the first time I didn't throw up when you talked to me, it was right here. And I'm glad you remembered to come here." All right, I'm in plan view now and she can see me, and she's actually smiling again so I guess I'm doing great so far.  
  
"Stan? Stan!! I almost can't believe I'm seeing you as yourself in person again! If I didn't know that you hate me I'd give you a hug!" Whoh, that sure wasn't the greeting I expected. She actually still thinks that I hate her, as in really hate her? Well, better get her to explain that so it won't get in the way when I tell her she's wrong.  
  
"What? Why do you and Kyle think that?"  
  
"Come on Stan, I'm prepared to handle it now. I realized what a controlling bitch I've been to you all this time, and that I was unfairly pressuring you to be too mature like me. That's what almost killed you, and so why would you want to go through anything with me again? I've learned to accept that, so let's just try not to let it affect anything at school and we can move on."  
  
"Whoh dude, I didn't come here to say that." Okay, this is it, time to put up or shut up now. God, I hope I get through this without sweating up a storm.  
  
"You must have at least been thinking it."  
  
"Actually, I have to admit that after I started getting better, I did think it over. Why did I go through all this for a girl? Then I heard how you saved my life and how you beat that giant douche. And I remembered." Good Stan, good start. Explaning how you figured out the feelings you've been dumb enough to ignore is a real good start.  
  
"But how could that make up for anything? Besides, it's not like I've been a lot of fun before this happened." Oh, but all I need to do is get through this speech and then the real fun will hopefully begin.  
  
"I'm 9 years old again, I'm getting used to being entertained by pretty much anything again. But not many things entertain me that are smart enough to outwit evil pyschic like Edward, caring enough to go through everything you did to save my life, and special enough for me to wanna be entertained by for a very very long time when I age the right way." Huh, I didn't expect that I'd be that, well, sappy in saying that, but I guess that's a side effect from being in love. Speaking of which, my opening to tell her I'm in love should be coming up any second, get ready and don't choke, Stan.  
  
"But..." Oh, she still has doubts, eh? Guess I don't mind talking some more to show her I forgive her, that'll buy me some time until I say those three big words. "But during that time when I finally got my brain back, I was worried that I wouldn't get that chance to do all that. And I really want to have it. And since you saved my life and in return, I forgive you for everything before that, then we're even. So now all that isn't a factor at all."  
  
"Well, I do know I still have to change some things about me, I'm gonna get right to work on that." Maybe that's true, but I don't wanna come this far to have her too busy fixing herself to have fun, so let me fix that before I say the big three words.  
  
"No you don't, changing things about you because you think I'd be happier would be the same thing as you wanting me to change earlier, and you just said that was wrong."  
  
"I guess you still have some of that age wisdom left over." Oh God, this is it, the perfect time to tell her. Come on, don't blow it now, you're so close, just fucking say it!!  
  
"Whatever it is, it's letting me know that I don't want you to change or be upset over everything, that's what I wanted to tell you. Because....I love you just the way you are."  
  
That's it. I said I love her just the way she is? I didn't just say I love you, I had to say those extra words? God, I must have sounded so stupid to say it like that! "What....what did you say? You said you...love me? You've never said those words to me before." Wait Wendy, that's right, why should I care how I said it, the important thing is I said it at long last. I really told her I love her, somewhat. Now I just gotta back it up.  
  
"That was one of the things I promised to do if I got better. Besides, didn't the throwing up tell you I really felt that way?" Yeah, that is one way to think about it, why would I be that nervous if it wasn't around someone I cared about enough to worry about talking too, or something? "You're really sure about this?"  
  
"Of course, because I know that if I did something I didn't mean to do, you'd do the same thing for me that I'm doing for you. Let's just let everything go back to normal." Another dumb thing to say, of course we're not getting back to normal, I'm not stupid or scared anymore. And now this is the perfect time to kiss her and prove it to both of us, and her lips are shining so much under the moonlight that I wanna do it even more....hey wait, what's that muffled sound in back of me?! Oh great, it's Kenny! What's he doing here just as I was getting going, he's throwing me off, the poor piece of crap! Better get rid of him fast!  
  
"Oh, hey Kenny, back from vacation already?" Now he's saying something behind that hood of his, it sounds like he's accusing me of having fun. Which I was about to continue if he didn't show his orange hooded face around here, but I am having fun so I should probably brag about it. "I sure am."  
  
"Hey wait, didn't Kenny die last December?" That's strange, why would Wendy think that, he just went on vacation back then and we let Butters and Tweek take his place until he got back. Of course the Butters situation started the Professor Chaos mess way back last month, but I'm not in the mood to remember shit like that, I got fears to conquer here! "Oh, never mind. See you tomorrow." Well, Kenny's mumbling something that's probably crude and insulting, but at least he's going away now. Now back to business.  
  
"Well, he'll have something to talk about tomorrow."  
  
"Oh, I guess I'd better head back home myself. You probably wanna get some rest in your own bed again." Oh no, you're not getting rid of me that easily, not anymore. I'm getting this final fear over with now.  
  
"I guess so, and tomorrow I'm gonna get back to having fun again, when I'm not making sure everyone's stopped accusing you of almost killing me. Because you didn't, and I won't let them think that." No, I sure won't. Now I'm gonna make my move to prove it to her, let me just take off my gloves here....and now I'm taking off Wendy's gloves and getting ready to touch her hand....wow, does that feel good. I've never actually touched her skin before, it feels just as smooth and heavenly as I always imagined it would be. Say something nice while you're in this love filled mood, quick! "That's what I do for people I love." What?! Christ, I still can't just say I love you without sounding stupid?! God, I must sound like such an idiot!  
  
"I love you too Stan." Okay, enough thinking about how much of an idiot I am, she said she loved me! She said it to my face, she loves me and I love her. We love each other, and I know now that that's how it should be. Quick, it's time to make your move, kiss her quick! "Even if that was probably just the drug talking for you one more time." Oh, you still think that, eh Wendy? I'll fix that for you even though the closer I'm coming to you the more I'm lost in your eyes.  
  
"They did say the drug wore off a while ago. So I guess this is for real, that's not too bad..." No, it's the greatest feeling in the world. I'm sure kissing her is better though, so please God let me do it. If I throw up now I'll have blown it for good, I've come this far and I can't slip up at the last minute. Do it, let me do it vomit free just once, stomach. Just do it......wow.  
  
I'm doing it.  
  
I'm really doing it, I'm kissing her. Oh God, now she's kissing me right back! I'm actually holding her hand and kissing her lips at the same time, this feels even better than I ever imagined it would be. In fact...oh, shut up already, you keep thinking at all and it'll be over before you know it, just don't think. Let me just enjoy this.....  
  
Whoh. And after what feels like an eternity, it's over.  
  
"Wow...." You're telling me, Wendy. Oh no. That old feeling of vomiting is coming back now?! Wait, it's not coming up as fast as usual, if I hurry I might...yeah! I turned around and threw up away from her this time, none of the vomit touched her clothes for once! Maybe I'm not cured of it yet, but now I can throw up after I kiss her, that's just as good! "Ha, I was able to turn around this time, I guess that's good progress!" All right, now that I'm all but cured I can joke about the problem, cool!  
  
"I don't care, I'm sure done learning my lesson on why I shouldn't." As if she's learned a lot more lessons than me, I've learned enough for several lifetimes. And this is a perfect ending to my final exam. "Well, goodnight Stan." Yeah, it's a good night indeed.  
  
"Goodnight Wendy. I'll see you tomorrow." That's right, I'll see her tomorrow at school, if I have to I'll stop any assholes from insulting her, and if I have to I'll kiss her again to shut them up- God knows I wouldn't hesitate to do it again now, I always knew Wendy would be a great kisser. But for now I'll just squeeze that soft hand of hers one more time and leave on the perfect note. Geez, I almost can't bring myself to turn around and stop looking at her, but I'd better get home before my parents tear up the house worrying about me, so I'll go. Off I go now- wait, what's that vomiting noise, I didn't do it this time. I'll just turn around- whoh! There's a pile of vomit around Wendy, she must have thrown up from looking at me leaving, just like I used to do! I hope Wendy isn't mad at me for this, but I can't help but laugh at the irony. Hey, she's laughing too, so I guess she forgives me yet again. And after one more wave goodbye, off I go for real this time.  
  
I have no idea how I'm gonna get home, but I don't give a rats ass right now. I'm in love, I kissed the girl I'm in love with for the first time, and I'll be doing it again very soon and very often, I imagine. I can afford to think about that for a long time. Oh wait, here comes a truck and it looks like Mephisto's driving it, I guess I can think about letting him give me a ride home. Yep, he's pulling up right now.  
  
"Need a lift so you can sneak back home?"  
  
"Sure dude, beats walking at this time of night." I'll jut hop in now and get back to thinking about tonight in a somewhat comfy chair then. "So, finally got away from the press eh?" I hope he doesn't keep asking questions and distracting my thoughts like this, but I'll answer this one and maybe he'll shut up after that. "Just tying up some loose and lovely ends, that's all." Very lovely, indeed.  
  
Now Mephisto's going on that he has Maury Povitch and John Edward in the back of his truck, and he does. One of his monkeys is guarding them, and Mephisto's going on about how he's going to perform experiments on them for all the shit they pulled on me during this whole mess, something about turning Edward into a giant douche and connecting him to Maury. But I don't care right now, at any other time I would be laughing my ass off that they were getting what's coming to them, that's true. But again, I'm in love, so I can afford to have my mind wander a bit.  
  
I'm in love. If they didn't force feed my 100 year old body the antidote quicker, I never would have know what that really means, since I'd be dead and all. And now that I do, I'm ready to do whatever I have to in this love business. If I have to go on dates with her and kiss her, I will, at this point I'm really looking forward to the kissing part. If she still insists that she has faults she has to change, then I'll help her change them. I guess she does have some although her kissing abilities are far greater than all those faults combined, but now I can help her manage them and make her feel better about them. If I have to do any other boyfriend stuff, I'll learn it as I go along and I'm sure Wendy will guide me through it as part of her self improvement kick. At any case, I'm ready to see it all now, and eventually the day will come when I don't even vomit after kissing her at all! And I have my twisted thoughts and Wendy to thank for it. Thanks to them, I know that in the future I'll think about this night as one of the greatest nights of my life, if not the greatest night period, I just know it....  
  
******************************************************  
  
Back in the present day after the Hulk movie....  
  
"Stan? Stan!" What the? Oh damm, I must have drifted off at the end of the movie, not that I would have understood a word Nick Nolte said at the end if I was paying attention. "Stan, the movie's over, we can go now." Oh okay, thanks for telling me Wendy, though maybe you should have kissed me to snap me out of it again. Oh well, I'll get up, streach my legs, and start feeling disappointed that I took Wendy to yet another boring as hell summer movie.  
  
"Wow, that was so good! Okay, the action scenes were terrible and that CGI Hulk guy was completly fake and stupid, but all the talking and the deep themes were wonderful! I thought summer movies were supposed to be real stupid, but the Hulk and the Matrix Reloaded are the two more meaningful movies I've seen even thought they're summer action films! And to think some people were bored out of their minds at those movies because they didn't just have stupid action scene, as if that's more important than meaningful drama and themes, right Stan?" Stay awake Stan, refuse the temptation to go back to dreamland, dont let that and the movie bore you...."Stan!" Oh jeez, that got me up quick!  
  
"Yeah yeah, they're meaningful and not boring, got it." Well, I guess even after 6 months I still got some ways to go, I may not be afraid of love and kissing and caring about what people think anymore, now I only have to worry about sitting through boring movies that should kick ass. May God have mercy on the people that made Terminator 3 if that's boring too, though. "So Stan, are you ready to go overe to Stark's Pond now and relive what we did 6 months ago tonight for the first time?"  
  
Oh yeah, I got proof that I have better things to think about than boring action movies just in time. And holding Wendy's hand right now is getting the memory of the movie outta me even more. "That's what I do for people I love." Jesus Christ, I used that lame line to answer Wendy again, boy some lame things really never change. Aw hell, that made Wendy happy anyway, so what's a few moments of lameless to the 6 months of love filled joy Wendy's given me lately? And to think it all came so close to never happining at all. But if it didn't, I wouldn't be heading off with my girlfriend to Stark's Pond to ice skate with her and then kiss her for some time before I went home. Assuming I live through the ice skating to get to the kissing that is, but I guess I have to be brave with that too. And since she'll be there with me, I wouldn't have the life of Stan Marsh go any other way.....  
  
THE END  
  
You know the drill, read and send a lot of reviews. 


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